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WEDDING
PROPOSALS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
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How To Propose To A Man -
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CUSTOM: MARRIAGE AND WEDDING CUSTOMS IN THE PHILIPPINES
Marriage
proposal in the Philippines
The
traditional marriage proposal takes the form of the pamanhika or pamamanhikan
or the "parental marriage proposal", a formal way of asking the
parents of the woman for her hand. The would-be groom and his parents go to the
would-bride's home, and ask the parents for their consent. Once the woman's
parents accept the proposal, other matters will be discussed during this
meeting include among other things, the wedding plan, the date, the finances,
and the list of guests. The expenses for the wedding are generally shouldered
by the groom and his family.
Pamamanhikan
enforces the importance of the familial nature of the wedding, as traditionally
a marriage is the formation of an alliance between two clans as well as the
joining of individuals. This is sometimes further expressed in how the whole
extended family goes with the groom and his parents, using the occasion as a
chance to meet and greet the other clan. In this situation, there is a feast
held at the bride's family home.
This
event is separate from the Despedida de Soltera (Spanish: "Farewell to
Single-hood") party some families have before the wedding. The local
variant of the Hispanic custom normally holds it for the bride, and it is held
by her family. It is similar in sentiment to the hen night,
albeit a more wholesome and formal version.
While
most cultures have some form of marriage rite their wedding
customs may differ from each other quite significantly.
African customs
(Sub-Saharan region)
Ethiopia
The
Wedding procedure starts with the groom's side sending a representative who
requests the marriage between the parties. Then an appointment is given and a
verdict on the marriage is given. Before the wedding the Dowry (ጧሎሽ) is given
as agreed. On the wedding day the groom and three or four "bestmen" (ሚዜ)
go to the wife's house. At the house the wife's family and friends ceremonially
block the entrance to the house. The associates must sing strongly and force
their way into the house. The first bestman holds perfume and sprays everywhere
inside the house.1
Kikuyu
Customarily,
marriage proceedings often begin with the man proposing to the woman. Upon her
acceptance the man then calls for a meeting with his clan elders who largely consist
of extended elderly family members. A delegation carrying small gifts is then
sent to the woman's home to meet with her clan elders. Deliberations on bride
price actually begin on a later date and these are strictly conducted by the
older men only.Upon completion of these negotiations, a wedding date is set,
with the elders having provided an acceptable percentage of the full dowry. The
rest of the dowry is expected later. No request is made for it, but the young
man is expected to remember to finish his payment and failure to do so spells
dishonor for that family.
The
wedding day begins with a convoy from the grooms family that heads to the girls
home to collect her.However, the convoy is not immediately let into the girls
homestead. Rather the bride's gate is locked and song and dance begins as a
cover for negotiations. Various goods may be asked of the groom and he
willingly obliges to the demands after which he is let into the compound.
Generally,
there are three types of weddings in Nigeria. The civil marriage takes place at
a registry, and then the religious ceremony follows. Finally it’s the traditional
Nigerian wedding ceremony. Many couples choose to do all three, depending on
their financial situation. Nigerian
wedding images are normally characterised by lots of colours,
dancing and music.
With
the traditional weddings, customs vary slightly form one part of Nigeria to the
other. In the Western parts it’s called the engagement ceremony. Officials and
elders sip wine while they invite the couple in for introductions and
negotiations, and presentation of the bride price which consists mainly of
gifts of shoes, textiles, jewellery and bags. This entire event is followed by
a lot of festivity and fun.
In
the Eastern parts of the country it’s pretty much the same. Elders from both
families retreat into an inner room to negotiate on the bride price. When
concluded, the gifts are then presented to the bride's family. After this, the
bride, along with her entourage of girls is presented to the husband, family
and guests. Merry making follows after.
Note
that while a lot of these negotiation and dowry paying activities are taken a
bit seriously, they are just customs passed down for generations. Not doing it
will not stop any couple from being legally married.
Pygmy
engagements were not long and usually formalized by an exchange of visits
between the families concerned. The groom to be would bring a gift of game or
maybe a few arrows to his new in-laws, take his bride home to live in his band
and with his new parents. His only obligation is to find among his relatives a
girl willing to marry a brother or male cousin of his wife. If he feels he can
feed more than one wife, he may have additional wives.
It's Leap Day - will you
marry me?
Middle Eastern customs
Although
Christian
weddings in the Arab World bear similarities to Western
weddings, Muslim
weddings in the Arab countries are influenced by Muslim
traditions. Muslim weddings start with a Sheikh and Al-kitaab (book) for the bride and groom. A
wedding is not Islamically
valid unless both bride and groom are willing, and the groom is often
encouraged to visit her before the wedding (as advised in many aḥadīth of the Islamic
prophet Muhammad). However, these visits must be chaperoned to ensure
purity of action between the two.
Iranian customs
Persian
wedding tradition, despite its local and regional variations, like many other
rituals in Persia
goes back to the ancient Zoroastrian tradition. Though the concepts and theory of the
marriage have changed drastically by Islamic
traditions, the actual ceremonies have remained more or less the same as they
were originally in the ancient Zoroastrian culture.
European customs
The
Western
custom of a bride wearing a white wedding dress came to symbolize purity,
not virginity, in the Victorian era. Within the "white wedding"
tradition, a white dress and veil is not considered appropriate in the second
or subsequent wedding of a widow or divorcee. The specific conventions of
Western weddings, largely from a Protestant
and Catholic viewpoint, are discussed at "white wedding".
A
wedding is often followed or accompanied by a wedding reception, which in some
areas may be known as the 'Wedding Breakfast', at which an elaborate wedding cake
is served. Western traditions include toasting
the couple, the newlyweds having the first dance,
and cutting the cake. A bride may throw her bouquet
to the assembled group of all unmarried women in attendance, with folklore
suggesting the person who catches it will be the next to wed. A fairly recent
equivalent has the groom throwing the bride's garter to the assembled unmarried men; the man
who catches it is supposedly the next to wed.
The
Wedding Breakfast is one occasion where every member of the family who has had
at least some role in the wedding is present. It is also important as the first
time the newly married bride and groom share their first meal together as a
lawfully wedded couple. The word Breakfast comes from a more ancient tradition
of fasting before the wedding ceremony, the Wedding Breakfast is therefore
'breaking that fast'. The modern Wedding Breakfast includes the service of food
to guests that can range from traditional roasts, buffets, or regional treats
such as in the case of a
Another
Victorian tradition is for brides to wear or carry "something old,
something new, something borrowed, something blue" during the service. It
is considered good luck to do so. Often the bride attempts to have one item
that meets all of these qualifications, such as a borrowed blue handkerchief
which is "new to her" but loaned by her grandmother (thus making it
old). Another addition to this custom is to wear a coin in one's shoe to bring
prosperity.
The full text of the verse is:
Something old, something
new,
Something borrowed,
something blue,
And silver sixpence in
your shoe.3
Scottish customs
Scotland
is a popular place for young English couples to get married since, in Scotland,
parents' permission is not required if both the bride and groom are old enough
to legally be married (16). In England it was the case that if either was 16 or 17 then the
permission of parents had to be sought. Thus Scotland, and especially the blacksmith's
at Gretna Green,
became a very popular place for couples to elope to, especially those under 18 and
usually living in England. Gretna Green now hosts hundreds of weddings a year
and is Scotland's third most popular tourist attraction.
The
bride's family sends invitations on behalf of the couple to the wedding guests,
addressed by hand. The couple may send the invitations themselves, especially
if they are more middle-aged. The invites will specify if the invitation is for
ceremony and/or reception and/or evening following the meal at the reception.
Guests
send or deliver wedding gifts
to the bride's family home before the wedding day. Alternatively, the couple
may register at department store and have a list of gifts there. The shop then
organizes delivery, usually to the bride's parents' house or to the reception
venue.
A
wedding ceremony takes place at a church,
register
office or possibly another favorite location, such as a hilltop. In
this regard Scotland differs significantly from England where only pre-approved
public locations may be used for the wedding ceremony. Most ceremonies take
place mid afternoon and last about half an hour during which the marriage
schedule is signed by the couple and two witnesses, usually the best man and
chief bridesmaid.
The
newly wed couple may leave the ceremony to the sound of bagpipes.
There is a wedding reception following the ceremony, usually at a different
venue. The bridal party lines up in a receiving line and the wedding guests
file past, introducing themselves. Usually a beverage is served while the
guests and bridal party mingle. In some cases the drink may be whisky or wine with a non alcoholic
alternative. The best man and bride's father toast the bride and groom with
personal thoughts, stories, and well-wishes, usually humorous. The groom then
follows with a response on behalf of his bride. Champagne
is usually provided for the toast. There is nearly always dancing following the
meal. Often in Scotland this takes the form of a céilidh,
a night of informal traditional Scottish dancing in couples and groups to
live traditional music. The first dance is led by
the bride and groom, followed by the rest of the bridal party and finally the
guests. The cake-cutting ceremony takes place; the bride and groom jointly hold
a cake cutter and cut the first pieces of the wedding cake. Gifts are not
opened at the reception; they are either opened ahead of time and sometimes
displayed at the reception, or if guests could not deliver gifts ahead of time,
they are placed on a table at the reception for the bride and groom to take
home with them and open later. A sprig of white heather
is usually worn as a buttonhole for good luck.
It
is the norm for the groom and much of the male bridal party
and guests to wear kilts, although suits are also worn. Kilts and Highland
dress are often rented for this purpose citation required.
Celtic Handfasting
Handfasting
is a wedding ritual in which the bride's and groom's hands are tied together.
It is said to be based on an ancient Celtic tradition and to
have inspired the phrase "tying the knot". "Handfasting" is
favored by practitioners of Celtic-based religions and spiritual traditions,
such as Wicca
and Druidism.
Finnish customs
In
Finland,
a tradition is for the bride-to-be to go from door to door with a pillowcase,
to receive wedding gifts. Often, an older, married man accompanies her, holding
an umbrella or parasol over her head to shelter her. This symbolises protecting
and sheltering the new bride. On the day of the wedding, the bride may wear a
golden crown on her head. At the wedding reception, the Dance of the Crown is
performed, where the bridesmaids blindfold the bride and dance around her. The
bride then places the crown on the head of one of the bridesmaids, who
tradition dictates will be the next to marry. Traditionally, the bride and
groom sit next to each other in designated "seats of honour" at the
wedding reception. The bride holds in her lap a sieve covered by a shawl, into
which monetary gifts are put by the guests. In some weddings, the bride's
mother-in-law or godmother will place a china plate on the bride's head, after
which the newlyweds will perform the first dance (usually a waltz). When the
plate falls and breaks, the guests collect the pieces. The number of pieces
determines how many children the couple will have.
The
last dance in a Finnish wedding is called the weaning waltz. All the female
guests dance with the bride and all the male guests dance with the groom,
including children. Each guest only dances with the bride or groom for a brief
period before moving on. This custom was originally conceived as a test to see
how quickly the bride and groom will "forget" each other (i.e. how long
they will dance with each other before moving on to a guest).
In
France,
only civil weddings are legally recognized (due to the concept of laïcité),
they are performed in the town hall by the mayor (or another civil servant
acting on his/her behalf). At least one of the spouses must reside in the town
where the ceremony takes place. Since many people choose to also have a
religious wedding, the religious ceremony often takes place immediately after
the civil one. Town halls often offer a more elaborate ceremony for couples who
do not wish to marry religiously.
If
the two ceremonies take place separately, the civil one will usually include
close family and witnesses. Once the civil ceremony is complete, the couple
will receive a livret de famille, a booklet where a copy of the marriage certificate is recorded. This is
an official document and, should the couple have children, each child's birth
certificate will be recorded in the livret de famille too. The civil ceremony
in France is free of charge.
In
smaller French towns, the groom may meet his fiancée at her home on the day of
the wedding and escort her to the chapel where the ceremony is being held. As
the couple proceeds to the chapel, children will stretch long white ribbons
across the road which the bride will cut as she passes.
At
the chapel, the bride and groom are seated on two red velvet chairs underneath
a silk canopy called a carre. Laurel leaves may be scattered across their paths
when they exit the chapel. Sometimes small coins are also tossed for the
children to gather.
A
traditional French
wedding celebration at Château de Hattonchâtel
At
the reception, the couple customarily uses a toasting cup called a Coupe de
Mariage. The origin of giving this toast began in France, when a small piece of
toast was literally dropped into the couple's wine to ensure a healthy life.
The couple would lift their glass to "a toast", as is common in
Western culture today.
In
south west France it is customary to serve spit roast wild boar (or sanglier in
French) as the wedding breakfast, a local delicacy.
Some
couples choose to serve a croquembouche instead of a wedding cake. This
dessert is a pyramid of crème-filled pastry puffs, drizzled with a caramel
glaze.
At
a more boisterous wedding, tradition involves continuing the celebration until
very late at night. After the reception, those invited to the wedding will
gather outside the newlyweds' window and bang pots and pans; this is called a
shivaree. They are then invited into the house for some more drinks in the
couple's honor, after which the couple is finally allowed to be alone for their
first night together as husband and wife. This practice spread throughout
France as a way to celebrate special occasions. Decorative replicas of these
special sabres
can be purchased from artisans in Lyon, (the French capital of cutlery).
Greek customs
Two
or three days before the wedding, the couple organizes a celebration called Krevati
(Greek for bed)
in their new home. In Krevati, friends and relatives of the couple put money
and young children on the couple's new bed for prosperity and fertility in
their life. After the custom, they usually have a party with food and music.
On
the day of the wedding, usually Saturday, but also Friday or Sunday, the groom
cannot see the bride until the wedding ceremony. The groom usually arrives
first in church and waits for bride, who usually arrives late. After they
exchange flower bouquets, they have the wedding ceremony, where the best man
puts the wedding rings and crowns on the couple. The
couple drink red wine from the same glass (between one and three sips,
depending on the tradition). This is not "communion" in the formal
religious sense, but about sharing the cup of life. At the end of the wedding
ceremony, as the newly wedded pair leave the church, the guests throw rice and
flowers for fertility and felicity. Special guests, such as close friends and
family receive sugar-coated almonds (traditionally an odd number, usually seven
but sometimes five) as a gift from the couple. Most Greek ceremonies are Orthodox.
After
the ceremony, usually the couple hold a great wedding party in some place with
plenty of food, drinks, music and dance, usually until next morning. The
wedding party starts with the invited people waiting for the couple, who
usually come after some time. They start the party dancing blues and eating a
piece of their wedding cake. In some point of the party, they also dance the
traditional zeibekiko
(groom) and çiftetelli (bride).
In
many places of Greece,
where they hold a more traditional wedding, they usually play only traditional
music and eat local food. For example in the region of Cyclades,
they eat the traditional pasteli (solid honey with sesame) and in the region of Crete they cook rice with
goat. In most traditional weddings, they bake whole animals like pigs, goats or
sheep just like the Greek Easter celebration. Before the church ceremony, especially in
smaller areas, usually friends and relatives of the bride and the groom,
accompanies them separately to the church playing traditional instruments,
according to the region.
A
typical Greek wedding will usually have more than 100 invited people (but
usually 250-500) who are friends, siblings, grandparents, uncles, aunts, first
or second cousins, neighbors and colleagues. It is common to have guests whom
the couple has never met before. This is because the people who will be invited
are usually determined by the parents of the couple and not by the couple
themselves. Out of respect to the Olive God, the bride and groom will each eat
one olive before the end of theceremony. Traditionally, the whole village would
have attended the wedding, so very often the parents invite friends of theirs
and their children, to the weddings of their own children.
There
are many other traditions which are local to their regional areas. One famous
tradition is the pinning of money on the bride's dress. This custom originated
in one part of Greece, where it is a substitute for wedding presents, however
it has become more widespread recently.
Italian customs
In
some parts of Italy,
a party, known as a Serenade, is thrown outside of the bride's home by the
groom. His family and friends come and wait for the bride, entertaining
themselves until she appears. The groom then sings to his bride to further
seduce her. Once his song is sung, the party ends.
The
day of the wedding, the groomsmen try their hardest to make the
groom as uncomfortable as possible by saying things like "Maybe she forgot
where the church is".
It
is also traditional for the grooms family to give a dowry to the bride and to
provide the engagement ring. The bride's family is then
responsible for receiving the guests of the wedding in their home for a
reception afterward.
The
color green is very important in the Italian wedding. In Italy, the tradition
of something blue is replaced with something green. This color brings good luck
to the married couple. The veil and bridesmaids
also were important in an Italian wedding. The tradition began in Ancient Rome
when the veil was used to hide the bride from any spirits that would corrupt
her and the bridesmaids were to wear similar outfits so that the evil spirits
were further confused.
An
old Roman custom was that brides threw nuts at rejected suitors as they left
the ceremony.4
After
dessert, more dancing commences, gifts are given, and the guests eventually
begin to leave. In Southern Italy, as the guests leave, they hand
envelopes of money to the bride and groom, who return the gift with a wedding favor
or bomboniere,
a small token of appreciation.
Should A Woman Propose Marriage To A Man?
Polish customs
In
Polish
weddings, the celebrations may continue for two or three days. In the past, the
engagement ceremony was organized by the future groom as a formal family
gathering, during which he asked his chosen lady to marry him. In the recent
years this custom has changed and today an engagement is much more personal and
intimate. An elegant dinner party afterward is still a nice way to inform the
closest family members about the couples' decision to get married.
In
some regions of Poland, the tradition to invite the wedding guests in person is
still upheld. Many young couples, accompanied by the parents, visit their family
and friends to hand them the wedding invitations personally.
According
to the old tradition, a groom arrives with his parents at the house of a bride
just before the wedding ceremony. At that time, both parents and parents-in-law
give a young couple their blessing. The couple enter the church together and
walks up to the altar followed by two witnesses and the parents. In Poland, it
is quite unusual for the bride to be walked down the aisle or to have
bridesmaids and groomsmen in a wedding. The couple is assisted by two
witnesses, a man (usually grooms' side) and a woman (usually brides' side) who
are either family members or close friends.
The
Polish bride traditionally wears a white dress and a veil. The groom, on the
other hand, usually wears a fitted suit with a bow tie and a boutonnière
that matches the brides' bouquet. During the ceremony, wedding rings are
exchanged and both the husband and wife wear them on their right hand. Right
after the ceremony, the closest family and all the guest form a line in the
front of the church to congratulate the newlyweds and wish them love and
happiness. As soon as the married couple leave the church they get showered
with rice for luck or guests drop coins at their feet for them to pick up. This
is done to ensure a good and prosperous future for the newlyweds.
Once
all the guests have showered the couple with kisses, hugs and flowers everyone
heads to the reception. It is a custom in Poland to prepare "passing
gates" on the way to the reception for the newlyweds who, in order to
pass, have to give the "gate keepers" some vodka. This is a
misinterpretation of an earlier tradition, where the "passing gates"
were built if the bride was an orphan and money collected by "gate
keepers" from the guests was handed over to the bride as her dowry (being
an orphan usually implied poverty).
The
married couple is welcomed at the reception place by the parents with bread and
salt. The bread symbolizes the prosperity, salt stands for hardship of life,
the parents wish the young couple that they never go hungry and learn how to
deal with every day hardships together. The wedding party lasts (and the bride
and groom remain) until the last guest leaves, usually until morning.
In
Poland, movements like Human Liberties Crusade56
or Wedding of the Weddings promote
non-alcoholic wedding celebrations.
Lăutari
are Romanian
musicians performing traditional songs. The music of the lăutari establishes
the structure of the elaborate Romanian weddings. The lăutari also function as
guides through the wedding rituals and moderate any conflicts that may arise
during what can be a long, alcohol-fueled party. Over a period of nearly 48
hours, this can be very physically strenuous.
Following
custom almost certainly dating back at least to the Middle Ages,
most lăutari spend the fees from these wedding ceremonies on extended banquets
for their friends and families over the days immediately following the wedding.
The
wedding begins at the Town hall where the couple literally gets married in the
presence of their closest friends and relatives. After that, they go to the
bride's house where the Lăutari come and sing themed songs like "Ia-ți
mireasă ziua bună" (Say goodbye, bride) while the bride, the groom and the
couple's parents take part in a symbolic preparation for the wedding (the best
man and the best maid put a flower on their chests, arrange the groom's tie and
shaves him and put the bride's veil, all in front of a big mirror decorated
with pieces of veil and white flowers, mirror that separates the bride from the
groom). They then go to the church where the religious ceremony is performed.
Afterwords they go to a restaurant where the banquet begins.
The
newlyweds meet the guests at the entrance and they serve a glass of champagne
while the Lautari sing the "Marș de intampinare" (meeting march).
After all the guests have arrived, the couple breaks the ice and starts dancing
a waltz. Later on, the chefs do ”Dansul găinii” (the chicken dance: they dress
up a roasted chicken and decorate it and they dance with it while the best man
negotiate the chicken's price with them).
Another
tradition is bride kidnapping. A few friends of the newlywed
stake the bride while the groom is not paying attention and take her somewhere
else, usually to a club. The groom is then forced to negotiate the bride's
price and to redeem it, but not until the "criminals" show evidence
of having the bride ( a shoe, her necklace, etc.). Usually, the
"thieves" ask for beverage. They then take the bride back to the wedding
and as a punishment they are forced to dance a waltz with the brice lifted up.
A
traditional Russian
wedding lasts for at least two days and some weddings last as long as a week.
Throughout the celebration there is dancing, singing, long toasts, and food and
drinks. The best man and maid of honor are called witnesses,
"svideteli" in Russian. The ceremony and the ring exchange takes
place on the first day of the wedding.
Throughout
the years, Russian weddings have adopted many western customs, including
bridesmaids and flower girls. During the wedding feast any of the guests can
start chanting "Gor'ko" ("bitter") which usually is
immediately supported by the rest of the guests. In this case bride and groom
should kiss each other and the kiss should last for as long as the chanting
continues.
In
a Swedish church wedding, the priest generally doesn't say when the couple may
kiss each other, in contrast to Anglo-Saxon traditions. It is probably because
the kiss doesn't traditionally belong to Swedish wedding customs, but has
relatively recently been associated with marriage.
In
Swedish weddings, the bride and groom usually go down the aisle together,
rather than the bride being escorted by her father.
Girl proposing to guy at airport, and him saying
yes
South Asian customs
Main
article: Marriage and wedding
customs in the Philippines
The
groom usually wears the Barong Tagalog during the wedding, along with
the male attendants, though nowadays the wealthy opt to don Western attire such
as a tuxedo. Weddings held within the same year by two siblings, usually
sisters, called Sukob are frowned upon as it is regarded as bad luck. Some hold
it that the wedding rings dropping to the ground is a portent of bad luck (this
is usually said to the ring bearer to ensure that the child is careful in
handling the rings). Money, in the form of paper bills, is sometimes taped or
pinned to the groom and bride's dress during their first dance.
A
Pakistani
wedding typically consist of four ceremonies on four separate days. It may
consist of 3 days if the first function called "Mehndi" is
done in a combined manner by both the bride and groom's family.
The
first function is Mehndi in which the families get together and celebrate the
upcoming wedding function. On this day, it is customary to wear either green,
yellow, orange, or other vibrant colors. The bride-to-be gets her hands painted
with henna, and songs and dances go on throughout the night.The next day is
"baraat" which is hosted by the bride's family. This event is usually
held in a reception hall, and the groom comes over with his family and friends;
a large feast is given. The bride's friends and relatives are also present, and
the Baraat event can be considered the 'main' wedding event as it is the
largest one out of all the events. Then there is the holy ceremony of
"Nikah" which is performed by a religious Pastor or imam, after which
bride and groom are declared as husband and wife.The Next day there is a
function of "Walima"
in which the groom's family is the host and the bride's family come over for a
big feast.
On
her wedding day, the bride-to-be can wear any color she wants, but vibrant
colors and lots of traditional gold jewelry are typically worn. It is customary
for the bride to wear traditional clothes such as a lahnga, shalwar kameez, or sari.
These weddings are also typical of the Muslim
community in India.
Indian wedding customs
Indian
weddings take anywhere from five minutes to several days, depending on region,
religion, and a variety of other factors. Due to the diversity of Indian
culture, the wedding style, ceremony and rituals may vary greatly amongst
various states, regions, religions and castes. While the Christians of India usually follow a more
or less Western wedding ceremony, the Indian Hindus, Muslims, Buddhist,
Jains
and Sikhs
follow traditions quite different from the West. In certain regions, it is
quite common that during the traditional wedding days, there would be a tilak ceremony
(where the groom is anointed on his forehead), a ceremony for adorning the
bride's hand and feet with henna (called mehendi) accompanied by Ladies' Sangeet
(music and dance), and many other pre-wedding ceremonies.
Another
important ceremony followed in certain areas is the "Haldi" program
where the bride and the groom are anointed with turmeric paste. All of the
close relatives make sure that they have anointed the couple with turmeric. In
certain regions, on the day of the wedding proper, the Bridegroom, his friends
and relatives come singing and dancing to the wedding site in a procession
called baraat,
and then the religious rituals take place to solemnize the wedding, according
to the religion of the couple. While the groom may wear traditional Sherwani or
dhoti
or Western suit, or some other local costume, his face, in certain regions, is
usually veiled with a mini-curtain of flowers called sehra. In certain regions,
the bride (Hindu or Muslim) always wears red clothes, never white because white
symbolizes widowhood in Indian culture.
In
Southern and Eastern states the bride usually wears a red Sari,
but in northern and central states the preferred garment is a decorated
skirt-blouse and veil called lehenga. After the solemnization of marriage, the bride
departs with her husband. This is a very sad event for the bride's relatives
because traditionally she is supposed to permanently "break-off" her
relations with her blood relatives to join her husband's family.
Among Christians in the state of Kerala, the bridegroom departs with the
bride's family. The wedding may be followed by a "reception" by the
groom's parents at the groom's place. While gifts and money to the couple are
commonly given, the traditional dowry from the bride's parents to the couple is
now officially forbidden by law.
Bengali wedding customs
Bengali
wedding refers to both Muslim and Hindu weddings in Bangladesh
and West Bengal.
Although Muslim and Hindu marriages have their distinctive religious rituals,
there are many common cultural rituals in marriages across religion among Bengali
people.
Chinese wedding customs
Traditional
Chinese marriage is a ceremonial ritual within Chinese societies that involve a
marriage established by pre-arrangement between families. Within Chinese
culture, romantic love was allowed, and monogamy
was the norm for most ordinary citizens. A band of musicians with gongs and
flute-like instruments accompanies the bridal parade to the groom's home.
Similar music is also played at the wedding banquet. Depending on the region
from which the bride hails, Chinese weddings will have different traditions
such as the Tea Ceremony or the use of a wedding emcee.
Also, in modern times, Chinese couples will often go to photo studios
to take "glamour shots," posing in multiple gowns and various
backgrounds.
Most
regional Chinese wedding rituals follow the main Chinese wedding traditions,
although some rituals are particular to the peoples of the southern China
region. In most southern Chinese weddings, the bride price is based on the
groom's economic status. The idea of "selling the daughter" or bride
is not a phrase that is used often. Therefore, the price of the bride does not
tend to be too demanding. Most of the time, the bride price is in the form of
gold jewelry, fine fabric, money, or even a roast pig, which symbolizes that
the bride is a virgin. Wedding presents are given by elderly couples or couples
that are older than the newlyweds, while tea is served by the younger family
members.
Japanese
customs fall into two categories: traditional Shinto
ceremonies, and modern Western-style ceremonies.
In either case, the couple must first be legally married by filing for marriage
at their local government office, and the official documentation must be
produced in order for the ceremony to be held.
Traditional
customs
Before
ever getting married there are two types of mate selection that may occur with
the couple: (1) miai,
or an arranged marriage and (2) ren ai, or a love match.9
The Japanese bride-to-be may be painted pure white from head to toe, visibly
declaring her maiden status to the gods. Two choices of headgear exist. One,
the watabōshi, is a white hood; the other, called the tsunokakushi,
serves to hide the bride's 'horns of jealousy.' It also symbolizes the bride's
intention to become a gentle and obedient wife.
Traditional
Japanese
wedding customs (shinzen shiki) involve an elaborate ceremony held at a Shinto shrine.
Japanese weddings are being increasingly extravagant with all the elaborate
details placed into thought. However, in some cases, younger generations choose
to abandon the formal ways by having a "no host party" for a wedding.10
In this situation, the guests include mainly of the couple's friends who pay an
attendance fee.
Best
Proposal Ever ~ Cute Indian Girl Proposing a Boy with Style, Surprize &
Fail Dance
Western-style customs
In
recent years, the "Western Style Wedding" (influenced by Christian
weddings) has become the choice of most couples in Japan.11
An industry has sprung up, dedicated to providing couples with a ceremony
modeled after church rituals. Japanese western style weddings are generally
held in a chapel, either in a simple or elaborate ceremony, often at a
dedicated wedding chapel within a hotel.
Before
the ceremony, there is a rehearsal. Often during this rehearsal, the bride's
mother lowers the veil for her daughter, signifying the last act that a mother
can do for her daughter, before "giving her away". The father of the
bride, much like in Western ceremonies, walks the bride down the aisle to her
awaiting groom.
After
the rehearsal comes the procession. The wedding celebrant will often wear a
wedding cross, or cana, a cross with two interlocking wedding rings attached,
which symbolize a couple's commitment to sharing a life together in the bonds
of holy matrimony. The wedding celebrant gives a brief welcome and an
introductory speech before announcing the bride's entrance. The procession ends
with the groom bowing to the bride's father. The father bows in return.
The
service then starts. The service is given either in Japanese, English or quite
often, a mix of both. It follows Protestant ceremony, relaxed and not overtly
religious. Typically part of 1 Corinthians 13 is read
from the Bible.
After the reading, there is a prayer and a short message, explaining the
sanctity of the wedding vows (seiyaku). The bride and groom share their vows
and exchange rings. The chapel register is signed and the new couple is
announced. This is often followed by the traditional wedding kiss. The service can conclude with
another hymn and a benediction.
With
the two types of ceremonies, Shinto and Western, available it was bound for the
two to be combined into what is called a contemporary Japanese wedding.
Contemporary Japanese weddings are celebrated in many ways. On the beginning of
the wedding day, the participants are to get ready at the parlor's beauty shop.
The responsibility of the beauty shop is to dress the bride, the groom, and the
other participants in the formal Japanese attire. Dressing the bride is an
important task because the bride is to change into several outfits throughout
her wedding day. Due to the complexity of the design, dressing a bride can be
difficult and time consuming and for this reason the bride must be the first
person to arrive two hours prior to the wedding ceremony. The bride's attire
consists of an extravagant kimono, heavy make-up, a wig, and a head covering.
An hour prior to the wedding ceremony, the guests and the groom should start to
arrive.
When
everyone is dressed in their formal attire, the bride and the groom are to
separate from each other and meet their close relatives in a waiting room. The
relatives present will appear in the family photo and will also attend the
religious ceremony. During this gathering, the kaizoe (assistant) will inform
the participants of what will take place and what they should do during the day
since they are not familiar with the ceremony.
When
all is understood, the relatives and participants are brought to the photo
studio where the professional photographs are to be taken. Taking the
photographs of the bride, the groom, and their relatives is considered to be
the central part of the wedding day. The photographs of the couple and their
family are designed to represent the couple's prospective future together.
After
the lengthy photo session, the bride, the groom, and others are brought to the
Shinto shrine. Nowadays, the Shinto shrine may be conveniently located inside a
hotel where all the activities will take place. A Shinto priest conducts the
ceremony. In the ceremony, the bride and the groom are purified. However, the
ceremony's important event occurs when the bride and the groom exchange nuptial
cups of sake
also known as san-san-ku-do. With the addition of Western tradition, the
exchange of rings and weddings vows also take place. Those guests who did not
attend the religious ceremony are able to view the ceremony on video screens
located in the lobby.
Like
Western-style traditions, a reception takes place right after the wedding
ceremony. The guests of the reception include family members, friends, and
colleagues. Due to the wedding industry's attempt to maximize time and space,
the reception will last exactly two hours. The reception does not include any
random activities, but follows a strict order of events. The reception includes
dramatic entrances by the bride and the groom with special effects, speeches,
and other performances.
Throughout
the reception, the bride shall receive the guests' utmost attention because she
changes two to three times for the dramatic entrances. With all the dramatic
entrances, the groom will join the bride. For example, the first entrance
includes the bride, the groom, and the nakodo couple. Nakodo means a
"matchmaker" or a "go-between", which is usually referred
to the husband. The nakodo couple plays such an important role that their names
appear on the announcement of the wedding. The purpose of the nakodo is to
symbolize a stable marriage. As the two couples appear a special effect of a
cloud of white smoke will appear to surround them. Simultaneously, the hall
lights are dimmed and the stage lighting will turn to the color of rose-pink;
this astonishes the guests. Pictures are to be taken during the dramatic
entrances of the bride and the groom. After the photographs have been taken,
they will be led back to their table.
At
this point the Master of Ceremonies will congratulate the
newlyweds and their family. He/she will then introduce the nakodo, who will
start the opening speeches and more speeches will follow. Being that the
reception is highly structured the speakers will have the idea of being formal
and concise in mind. With all the speeches finished, the bride and the groom
will perform the Western-style traditions, which include the following: (1) the
cake cutting ceremony and (2) the newlyweds' first dance as husband and wife.
The
next part of the reception is the toast, or kanpai, which simplifies the mood
of the reception where the guests can start to relax, eat, and drink. What
follows the toast are the short congratulatory speeches made by relatives,
friends, and colleagues. During this time, the bride has gone to change into
her first costume and continues throughout the reception. However, the groom
will also have a chance to change into his costume, which is the Western
tuxedo. By the end of the night, both the bride and the groom have changed from
their traditional Japanese attire to their Western-style attire.
After
their last change of costumes, the newlyweds will perform the candle service.
Both will have a long, unlit candle, which will be lit from the table where
their parents are seated. Next, the couple will walk around the room in a
circle and light the candles placed on their guests' table. Once all the
candles are lit, the newlyweds will return to their table where they will light
what is called the Memorial Candle.
By
the time the candle service is done the two hours restriction will soon expire.
The remaining few minutes includes short speeches, songs, dances, etc. As the
reception ends a flower presentation ceremony will take place, which is where
the newlyweds will present their parents with a gift of flowers to display
appreciation for their parents raising them to the people they are today. At
this point, the reception has ended with quick flashes and farewells.
Malay
wedding customs
A
Malay wedding ceremony spreads over two
days, beginning with the akad nikah ceremony on the first day. The groom signs
the marriage contract and agrees to provide the bride with a mas kahwin
(dowry). After that, their hands are dyed with henna during the berinai besar
ceremony. On the second day, the bride is with her family and friends with
musicians and bunga manggar or palm blossom carriers at the bride's house. At
the house they are greeted with sprinkling of yellow rice and scented water.
North American customs
A
2004 California wedding between a Filipina bride and a Nigerian groom
Most
weddings in the United States follow a similar pattern to the
Italian wedding. It traditionally follows the white wedding
type (see also Wedding types below), which originates from the white color of
the bride's wedding dress, but refers to an entire wedding routine. Customs and
traditions vary, but common components are listed below.
Before
the wedding
The
host sends invitations to the wedding guests, usually one
to two months before the wedding. Invitations may most formally be addressed by
hand to show the importance and personal meaning of the occasion. Large numbers
of invitations may be mechanically reproduced. As engraving
was the highest quality printing technology available in the past, this has
become associated with wedding invitation tradition. Receiving an invitation does
not impose any obligation on the invitee other than promptly accepting or
declining the invitation, and offering congratulations to the couple.13
While
giving any gift to the newlywed couple is technically optional, nearly all
invited guests who attend the wedding choose to do so. Wrapped gifts can be
brought to the wedding ceremony or reception, but it's considered thoughtful to
have them delivered to the address on the wedding invitation or to the address
given with the couple's bridal registry. Typical gifts are useful
household items, such as dishes, silverware, kitchen utensils and appliances,
or towels. Guests are not obligated to use the couple's registry information.
A
color scheme is selected by some to match everything from bridesmaids' dresses,
flowers, invitations, and decorations, though there is no necessity in doing
so.
The
groom's friends throw a party for the groom, called a "bachelor
party". It usually involves alcohol and racy entertainment, as
this is supposedly the groom's last chance to engage in debauchery before
marriage. It has become increasingly popular for the bride's friends to
organize similar "bachelorette" parties.
At
the wedding
A
wedding ceremony may take place anywhere, but often a church, courthouse,
or outdoor venue is selected. The ceremony may be dictated by the couple's
religious practices, or lack thereof. The most common non-religious form is
derived from a simple Anglican ceremony in the Book of Common Prayer, and can be
performed in less than ten minutes, although it is often extended by inserting
music or speeches. Because of its brevity, guests who arrive late may miss the
ceremony entirely.
American
brides usually wear a white, off-white, silver, or other very light-colored
dress, particularly at their first marriage.14
Brides may choose any color, although black is strongly discouraged by some as
it is the color of mourning in the west.
White
seeds, or confetti is sometimes thrown at the newlyweds as they leave the
ceremony to symbolize fertility. Some individuals, churches
or communities choose birdseed due to a false but widely believed myth that
birds eating the rice will burst.16
Because of the mess that rice and birdseed make, modern couples often leave in
clouds of bubbles.
The
wedding party may form a receiving line at this point, or later at a wedding
reception, so that each guest may briefly greet the entire wedding
party.
At
the wedding reception
Drinks,
snacks, or perhaps a full meal, especially at long receptions, are served while
the guests and wedding party mingle.
Often,
best men and/or maids of honor will toast newlyweds with personal thoughts,
stories, and well-wishes; sometimes other guests follow with their own toasts.
Champagne is usually provided for this purpose.
In
a symbolic cutting of the wedding cake, the couple may jointly hold a cake
knife and cut the first pieces of the wedding cake, which they feed to each
other. In some sub-cultures, they may deliberately smear cake on each other's
faces, which is considered vulgar elsewhere.181920
If
dancing is offered, the newlyweds first dance together briefly. Sometimes a
further protocol is followed, wherein each dances next with a parent, and then
possibly with other members of the wedding party. Special songs are chosen by
the couple, particularly for a mother/son dance and a father/daughter dance. In
some subcultures, a dollar dance takes place in which guests are
expected to dance with one of the newlyweds, and give them a small amount of
cash. This practice, as is any suggestion that the guests owe money to the
couple, is considered rude in most social groups as it is contrary to basic western
etiquette.
In
the mid-twentieth century it became common for a bride to toss her bouquet over
her shoulder to the assembled unmarried women during the reception. The woman
who catches it, superstition has it, will be the next to marry. In a similar
process, her groom tosses the bride's garter to the unmarried men, followed by
the man who caught the garter placing it on the leg of the woman who caught the
bouquet. While still common in many circles, these practices (particularly the
latter) are falling out of favor in the 21st century.
The
purpose of inviting guests is to have them witness a couple's marriage ceremony
and vows and to share in their joy and celebration. Gifts for the wedding
couple are optional, although most guests attempt to give at least a token gift
of their best wishes. Some couples and families feel, contrary to proper
etiquette, that in return for the expense they put into entertaining and feeding
their guests, the guests should pay them with similarly expensive gifts or
cash.
The
couple often registers for gifts at a store well in advance
of their wedding. This allows them to create a list of household items, usually
including china, silverware and crystalware, linens or other fabrics, pots and
pans, etc. Registries are intended to aid guests in selecting gifts the
newlyweds truly want, and the service is sufficiently profitable that most
retailers, from luxury shops to discount stores, offer the opportunity.
Registry information should, according to etiquette, be provided only to guests
upon direct request, and never included in the invitation.
Some
couples additionally or instead register with services that enable money gifts
intended to fund items such as a honeymoon, home purchase
or college fund. Some find bridal registries inappropriate as they contravene
traditional notions behind gifts, such as that all gifts are optional and
delightful surprises personally chosen by the giver, and that registries lead
to a type of price-based competition, as the couple knows the cost of each
gift. Traditionally, weddings were considered a personal event and inviting
people to the wedding who are not known to at least one member of the couple
well enough to be able to choose an appropriate gift was considered
inappropriate, and registries should therefore be unnecessary.25
Whether considered appropriate or not, others believe that weddings are
opportunities to extract funds or specific gifts from as many people as
possible, and that even an invitation carries an expectation of monetary reward
rather than merely congratulations.
Letters
of thanks for any gift are traditionally sent promptly after the gift's
receipt. Tradition allows wedding gifts to be sent up to a year after the wedding
date. Thanks should be sent as soon as possible, preferably within two weeks.
Jumping
the broom developed out of the West African Asante
custom. The broom in Ashanti and other Akan
cultures also held spiritual value and symbolized sweeping away past wrongs or
warding off evil spirits. Brooms were waved over the heads of marrying couples
to ward off spirits. The couple would often but not always jump over the broom
at the end of the ceremony.
The
custom took on additional significance in the context of slavery in the United States. Slaves had
no right to legal marriage; slaveholders considered slaves property and feared
that legal marriage and family bonds had the potential to lead to organization
and revolt. Marriage rituals, however, were important events to the Africans,
who came in many cases come from richly ceremonial African
cultures.
Taking
marriage vows in the presence of a witness
and then leaping over the handle of a broom became the common
practice to create a recognized union. Brooms are also symbols of the hearth, the
center of the new family being created. Jumping the broom has become a practice
in many modern weddings between African
Americans.
There
are also traditions of broom jumping in Europe, in the Wicca and Celtic
communities especially. They are probably unconnected with the African practice.
